Bitter emotions can take over us before, during and after almost every breakup, divorce included. And a natural (though misleading) instinct is to blame everything on the other one. (Another extreme is to put all the blame on yourself, which is not reasonable either). It is not then surprising that when a couple breaks up, offensive words are flying back and forth. A “Narcissist” ex is one of them.
What is a narcissistic ex?
Exaggerations are quite common. One makes a mistake and is called an “idiot” right away. We cannot easily understand someone? Let him (or her) be a “psycho.” One shows some emotions — a label of a “hysterical person” is ready to use. One did not rush to approve some social initiative, hence — a “bigot” or “racist”. One is cheerful and excentric a bit — the word “clown” is easy to come. And so on.
The word “narcissist” is not an exception. As many other pejorative words, it has its original meaning, which is carefully used in some close professional circles. For the rest of us it is not a term, it’s yet another label.
What do we imagine when we hear a word “narcissist”? An overconfident arrogant egoistic person, having no empathy or compassion to the others, right? (By those “others” we usually mean ourselves). There is a nice saying describing this reaction: “Egoist is the one who cares first of all about himself… and not about myself!”
Does this mean that whoever blames the other in a breaking couple to be a “narcissist”, is actually a narcissist him(her-)self? Or course not. Most often it means that both are (understandably) upset. And each of them — understandably again — wishes to hurt another for the pain that was (as it is perceived) caused by this another one. In such a state of mind it is way too easy to attribute all the “wrongdoings” of the other to his (her) inherently bad personality. What serves this purpose better than sticking a diagnosis to his (her) forehead? Of course, he (she) is sick, meaning that “I am okay, and I am not a problem.” Very tempting way of thinking, truly hard to avoid.
A problem with “narcissistic ex”
Yet, being all understandable and virtually unavoidable (at least to a certain extent), this thinking brings a trouble of a legal kind. Obviously, claims in defamation can follow. But worse even, when there are children around, this sense of false self-righteousness can bring up an allegation of parental alienation (basically, when one parent constantly badmouths the other before children, trying to limit their contacts with “such a broken person”, of course “for the children’s own sake”, “to avoid bad influence.”) And parental alienation might backfire significantly: such a hostile parent can be judicially removed from children – completely or to a certain extent.
Finally, an animosity fuelled by such a sticky “diagnosis” would be an obstacle to a reasonable agreement. Instead, it would lead to a long and very costly litigation in case of legal separation or divorce.
From this point of view, in case of a bitter breakup it is even more important to maintain one’s communication polite, neutral, even formal. However fascinating would it be to vent out one’s feelings by using pseudo-scientific accusations, in a long-term perspective, it would only damage your case. After all, if we foolheartedly feel that something is right (or wrong), it does not at all mean that something is actually right (or wrong). It only means that our emotions took over.
Dynamics of narcissistic behavior
If you’re dealing with a narcissistic individual, especially one who may try to manipulate or exploit legal processes, having a lawyer who understands the dynamics of narcissistic behavior can be crucial. Here’s how a lawyer can help protect you:
- Understanding Narcissism: A lawyer who is familiar with narcissistic behavior patterns can recognize when your ex is attempting to manipulate legal proceedings or exploit loopholes for their own benefit.
- Advocating for Your Rights: Your lawyer can advocate for your rights and interests, ensuring that you are not unfairly taken advantage of or coerced into agreements that are not in your best interest.
- Providing Objective Guidance: Dealing with a narcissistic ex can be emotionally charged, and it can be difficult to see things clearly. Your lawyer can provide objective guidance and help you make informed decisions based on legal considerations rather than emotional reactions.
- Creating Boundaries: Your lawyer can help establish clear boundaries with your ex and their legal representatives, ensuring that communication and interactions are conducted in a respectful and professional manner.
- Documentation and Evidence: Your lawyer can assist you in gathering and documenting evidence to support your case, whether it’s related to divorce, custody, property division, or other legal matters. This documentation can be crucial in protecting your rights and proving your case in court if necessary.
- Strategizing for Court: If your case does end up in court, your lawyer can develop a strategic legal approach to present your case effectively and counter any tactics or misinformation from the other side.
- Emotional Support: In addition to their legal expertise, a compassionate lawyer can also provide emotional support and validation as you navigate the challenges of dealing with a narcissistic ex.
Lawyers for “narcissistic ex”
When selecting a lawyer to represent you in a situation involving a narcissistic ex, look for someone who has experience dealing with high-conflict personalities and who prioritizes your well-being and best interests. Communication and trust are key, so make sure you feel comfortable and supported by your legal representation.
Allen Madelin Lawyers work on daily basis family law legal issues, including child custody and divorce. First consultation is offered for $ 125. For details, please contact us by phone: 1 514 904 4017 or by email: [email protected].
