For the sake of fairness, not only a husband can be controlling, and similar stories are told about controlling wives. Yet the word combination “controlling ex” clearly has a longer history with husbands due to obvious social dynamics.
Recognizing a controlling ex
Definitions of a “controlling ex” vary, but there are several common factors. First, such a spouse takes under control all the family finances, leaving the other one not only to ask (sometimes to beg) for money, but also without relevant information about the finances: bank accounts, investments, property, etc.
Often, to maintain such a situation, a controlling husband (or a wife) argues against any employment of the other spouse or against any significant career development.
Second, in a more aggravated situations, such a controlling spouse requires full transparency about the other’s contacts, meetings, communication and tries to limit (or even forbid) those. A controlling husband tries to interfere with social contacts, including those of employment, often spreads rumors, collects and sometimes forges compromising information, makes anonymous attacks on social network platforms and so on — all in an attempt to trump the self-esteem and any resistance of another.
Third, this kind of relationship is often accompanied by threats, emotional pressure, psychological abuse at home, gaslighting, etc. Of course, this casts its shadow on the development, education and wellbeing of the children.
Separation from a controlling husband
A partner of a controlling spouse is in a vulnerable situation, being often in a financially weak position, in fear of retribution and of the future on his or her own, lacking full understanding his or her rights and possible consequences of initiating a divorce or separation.
Of course, it is disadvantageous to start from such a low point. Yet, as such a separation is often a result of a spontaneous emotional breakdown, lack of preparation often affects the controlled spouse adversely.
As preparation is a key, one’s resistance might start with collecting evidence as the first step: of financial situation, emotional, social and sometimes physical control and abuse. Contract documents copies, bank statements, receipts and invoices scans, photos, video and audio recordings, finding witnesses and getting their written declarations — all this preliminary work can be done in advance.
The second step would require involvement of a legal professional to evaluate chances and make a separation strategy.
Only once this preparation is done, an open separation (and therefore, an almost inevitable conflict) might be initiated.
Allen Madelin Lawyers work on daily basis family law legal issues, including child custody. First consultation is offered for $ 125. For details, please contact us by phone: 1 514 904 4017 or by email: [email protected].
