Rumours do not stop circulating. “Female judge will be compassionate to a wife”, they say. “A female lawyer cannot fight on a husband’s side”, they say. “The one without children cannot represent a child”, they say. Rumours are spreading and carefully collected by interested people. “A male lawyer has colder head and can argue better”, they say. “A female lawyer who went through a divorce herself, will be a fierce fighter”, they say.
These rumours, veracity of which we won’t even discuss here, all reflect one thing: a divorcing person, male or female, does not like impartiality of a judicial system. Taking impartiality as an obstacle to “seeing the truth” (meaning some particular “truth”, of course) such a person tries to gain an advantage beyond the scope of “fact and law” — by trying to convince a lawyer (and, preferably, a judge) to share the rage, the anger and despair.
While commercial litigation is often about simple calculation (what is more beneficial in monetary terms — to continue fighting or to get to a deal), a family litigation is far too often about emotions. And when we are in emotions, who would like a cold-hearted calculative lawyer, talking of facts and rules and offering “solutions” and “settlement”? We want our lawyer to understand our tears, our ruined dreams, our lost hope, our need for vengeance, after all. In a sense, when divorce is hostile, neither party is seeking justice. “Make’em pay” is often said. “Make’em suffer” is meant.
Consciously or subconsciously, a divorcing person understands that “make’em suffer” is not what the legal system is suited best for. Fact finding, balancing evidence, expert opinions and impartiality of a Court are all seen as irrelevant bureaucracy when we want to “make’em suffer.” Because we already suffered and this made us right and gave us rights, what other law is needed, correct?
Well, not necessarily.
It is helpful to remember that a lawyer is there to do his (her) job. Same as your plumber, or electrician, or accountant. You don’t expect a plumber “to be on your side”, you want a plumber to know what to do. In the same way you hire lawyers to use their skills and education and do some job for you. Their feelings are irrelevant.
A lawyer’s job is to collect your facts and evidence and then translate your story in a form of legal documents and logic sequence for the Court. This job is to find best legal arguments in your favour (and best legal arguments might very well be different from those you think best). This job is to clean up your story from what is legally irrelevant and present facts and law as clear as possible to the judge.
Out of a paradox, this is the lawyer’s way to make a judge sympathetic to your case, because the judges do not like waves of emotions and accusations instead of factual and logical arguments. They like clear story and straighforward explanations. They like relevant citations from the laws and previous judgements. The judges are busy people, they have seen way too many of similar cases before. They want your lawyer to get to a gist.
An important danger of making a lawyer to see it all “your way” is that such a lawyer would have the same blind spots as you do and will make same mistakes. Such a lawyer would “trust” you and therefore might fail to verify facts and collect necessary evidence. Such a lawyer would feel enraged altogether with you and might miss some logic mistakes in your arguments. Then, in Court, you both will be caught by surprise because the other party’s lawyer might be less compassionate and more professional in preparation.
Moreover, a lawyer “on your side” might irritate the judge, who, whatever the rumours, is interested in facts and law first.
So, answering the question which lawyer should you hire for your divorce — female or male one, we would say: a professional. The one who would see both strong and weak spots of your position, who would lead you in those battles you can win and help you avoiding those you would lose (even if you were eager to engage). The one able to stay calm and focused where you cannot. The one who would do the job.
For your questions concerning legal problems, do not hesitate to contact us at 514-904-4017 or via email: [email protected]. We are available to discuss your situation by phone or video call (Skype and Zoom), and we offer your first consultation at $125.00 (taxes not included).
